I was kind, compassionate, and meant well… and I still traumatized my children...

Uncategorized May 24, 2020
Perpetuating the generational cycles that I grew up with.
 
My intentions were strong - to raise the healthiest, happiest, and smartest kids I could.
 
I did everything right.
 
I breastfed until they were 2.
I used cloth diapers.
I made all of their food from scratch.
They slept in my bed.
They didn't cry it out.
 
And in the end none of that really mattered….
 
Because I had a temper.
I tried to control them.
I yelled.
I criticized.
Then I apologized and felt guilty and ashamed
 
So I would try harder to be the best mom I could be, which led to more anger and control, then shame and guilt.
 
The more stressed I was, the worse my temper got.
 
(And what was the worst was that as I witnessed the behavior from myself, I felt the angry voices of my parents coming out of me.
 
And it felt like I had no control.
 
The more I tried to control it, the less control I had.)
 
Finally it got so bad that my body started suffering as well. I broke and lost 2 teeth within 2 weeks, which sent me into a complete tailspin of fear.
 
"What's happening to me? This isn't me!"
 
That's when I started meditating 1-2 hours every day to try to calm myself.
 
It worked. I became calm.
 
Until I got triggered, and the old feelings came to the surface again.
 
It wasn't until I started investing my time and resources into addressing the root of my fears and anger that I felt lasting relief and changes in my behavior.
 
This is the system that I still use for myself and my clients.
 
I noticed almost immediate changes in my kids' behavior, in my marriage, and in myself.
 
I feel incredibly blessed that I discovered this system when my kids were so young because we develop the vast majority of our beliefs and identity by 6 years old.
 
That meant I had 3 years to get my act together. Whew!
……..
These are some signs that showed me that my behavior had been stressing them out:
 
They were extra sensitive to changes.
Frequent major temper tantrums.
They seemed unhappy most of the time.
Low confidence.
Extra sensitivity to criticism.
Extra clingy.
 
I've dedicated a lot of my life in the past 7 years to resolving my own traumas that had led to the impulsive and controlling behaviors, and my children have been healing as well.
 
They stopped having the temper tantrums, they've gained tremendous confidence, and they are opening up emotionally more and more.
 
The more calm, present, and aware I am around them, the more calm and balanced they are.
 
My clients have noticed similar results in their families as well. Many of them tell me that they have real harmony in their home for the first time,
 
And it continues to improve from there.
 
If you got off to a rough start with parenthood (just like millions of other parents out there), it's not too late.
 
Even if your kids are teens or adults, you can still help them to heal… and it all begins with yourself and your inner work.
 
I can help you with this process. You don't need to tackle it alone.
 
If you want that help, just reach out.

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